How to deal with major change.

I received a high emotion email from a client, one who is considering retiring from her career of over 25 years. She expressed feeling very anxious about what her future would look like. This was my reply:

“You are thinking about leaving a life routine you’ve been used to for more than three decades, without having yet put together a possible plan for what your new life routine might look like. Change is very uncomfortable. Human beings are, for the most part, drawn to certainty in our lives. We want to know where our food will come from, our shelter, our relationships, and our purpose. When those things start to feel uncertain, we panic.

“It can be helpful to realize that the process of transitioning takes time, usually one month for every year you were involved in your former situation. After working in one job for 25 years, it may take about 25 months (or two years) before you feel settled in a new routine. Understanding that feeling uncomfortable is normal during this phase can be useful, knowing that eventually, a new routine will fall into place.

“Consider getting help with your feelings, such as by talking with a therapist. I talk with a personal counselor when my feelings start to seem overwhelming, and it really helps. I’m pretty sure counseling will be covered through your EAP services. If seeing a therapist doesn’t appeal to you, another effective strategy is to journal about your concerns and fears…just write them out. Long hand is best, as it activates a part of our brain that more effectively helps to process emotions. Multiple studies have shown that people who journal about their feelings for 20 minutes per day get back to feeling more settled three times faster than those who don’t.

“Actively explore what your new life may end up looking like. Make a plan to systematically investigate and experience options for how you might spend your time after you’re retired. Although it may not feel like it right now, eventually you will arrive at a place where you’re involved in new, fulfilling activities.”